The Roads We Choose, and the Detours We're Inclined To Take

I guess one of the most hackneyed, overused and ridiculous things to say is, “I didn’t think life would end up this way.” Well, of course it didn’t end up like you planned it. That’s what living is. You pick the road you want to travel. You start your journey. Then a big 18-wheeler comes along and forces you down a detour you didn’t expect. Maybe you find your way back to the road of your choice. Or maybe that detour never leads back to your original path.

I say this as I sit in a very quiet house at 2:54 a.m. I got home about an hour ago, having played a gig in Charlotte tonight. I’m still awake, because Shelby should be fed in a few minutes and I’m just the man for the job.

Still, being awake at this lonely hour leads me down this line of thought…

I am not on the path I chose for myself.

At age 18 I decided I wanted to be a radio DJ. My thought was, “I’m a pretty good guitar player, but there aren’t too many job openings for rock star, so what other job in the music industry could I take?” I took the radio route.

The problem with radio…well, actually, there are a lot of problems with radio:

—The industry is shrinking. There just aren’t as many jobs as there once was.
—In order to really advance and really make good money, you’ve got to be willing to move. Nicole and I were into that at first. Then we weren’t into it as much. I ended up working at the same small station for eight years.
—Music radio these days is boring. I worked at a music station for a few months. It was the most boring job I’ve ever had. Play a song, run a liner, play a song, read from the script, repeat until a commercial break is scheduled.

So, I got out of radio, took a good job for the good benefits and here I am, right?

Nope. There’s another part of my life that keeps me awake and typing at 3 a.m.

I started playing in a band a couple of years out of college. It was a small band with a high school friend and surprisingly (neither of us realized this until I walked into the first practice) my cousin! Marble Alley is a good band that I still play with sometimes. Otis Redding and Wilson Pickett and all the blues you can handle. I really like playing a lot of that music.

Other opportunities arose though, and the need for money and more gigs led me to another band. Locked and Loaded was (and still is) a southern rock and country band. That was good music, too, though it wasn’t anything I listen to on a regular basis. Still, it was really fun to play with a bunch of really good guys, and extremely talented musicians.

But there came a time (January, 2008) that I looked at our schedule, saw one gig in February and another in May and realized that I was counting on money from gigs that weren’t there. I went searching.

It’s a longer story (and a good one, I’ll tell it sometime) about the path it took me to join SugarSmaX, but suffice it to say, that’s where I landed. It’s where I remain. And I’m happiest in this band.

Performing music with other people and getting paid takes some work and involves some late nights. At most bars, we’ll start playing at 10 p.m. and end at 2 a.m. Now, I’ve always been a night owl, but keep in mind, I’ve got a 40 hour work week, going 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Suddenly, on the weekend, I’m supposed to play on Fridays and Saturdays until 2 a.m., pack up the equipment, return home between 3:30 and 4 a.m. and work my sleep schedule back to normal by the time Monday morning rolls around?

Yep. That’s exactly what I’m supposed to do. I feel just as natural with my guitar strapped on as I do in my favorite pair of blue jeans. I’ve played in front of 5 people and I’ve played in front of 700, and as long as they’re getting into to it, I’ll take either one. (Though I would prefer the 700, obviously.)

I had written music and dabbled with some recording in Locked and Loaded, but we never really got that project off the ground — probably because I left the band. Still, SugarSmaX has been recording, I think the songs are really good, and I’m interested in what a record company might have to say about what we’ve gotten down.

So, do you get the irony? I’ve come full circle, from deciding that being a rock star wasn’t realistic and choosing another path, all the way back to recording music with the back-of-the-mind hope that there might be a little room in the rock star world after all.

Our recordings may never do a thing. We could sell the songs and have someone else record them. We could have a massive hit on our hands. There are lots of options and the worst one is that I’ll have some good recordings of some good musicians, including myself. I can pull it out and let the grandkids listen to it someday!

So that’s how I landed in front of a computer, early on a Sunday morning, typing out a few thoughts about the roads we choose and the detours we’re inclined to take.

Now. It’s late and the baby needs her food.


Mark

Called Off Due To Snow

I turned 32 Saturday. I’ve had better birthdays.

The plan had been to play two gigs on the weekend. Friday, SugarSmaX was scheduled at Wild Wings Café in Winston Salem. It’s been a month since we’ve done a gig and I was really looking forward to playing again. Saturday, I was going to do play with Marble Alley, a band I play in from time to time, at the High Rock Boat and Ski Club. It’s a beach, soul, and R& B band that I’ve played in for five or six years now, so I was looking forward to playing that one, too.

The fact that my birthday was going to be mixed in on the weekend worked nicely. The better partiers are in SugarSmaX, but Nicole said she’d drive home Saturday (with the club only a few minutes from the house), so I figured that we would have fun both nights. That’s the really cool thing about playing in a band. You have a extra job and extra money, but you always have a place ready for you and your friends to celebrate.

A family gathering was scheduled for Sunday at my parents’ house to finish up a weekend’s worth of celebrating.

“The best laid plans of mice and men…”

The forecast looked daunting from about Tuesday. It improved a little Wednesday and then went to hell Thursday. Friday, it was just a matter of watching what I didn’t want to happen, happen. Snow, ice, etc. And the forecasters, despite the way everyone complains that they never get it right, got it just right.

So, the gigs were cancelled. Money was lost. Nicole and I were stuck at home. Nicole was just as disappointed as I was, because she’s not able to get out of the house that much. Even my parents and Nicole’s dad and stepmother were disappointed, because all of these plans had been contingent on the baby staying with her grandparents over the weekend.

It made me think how strange it is that we celebrate birthdays at all. I suppose someone, somewhere, decided that they needed an excuse for a party. The inventor of the birthday party was fairly self-centered one, I guess. Think about it. It would have been easy to come up with a reason for everyone to celebrate—the fall harvest or Christmas or New Year’s or Halloween or St. Paddy’s Day or Columbus Day or even freakin’ Arbor Day. \

But this inventor of the birthday party didn’t want everyone to just celebrate. He wanted everyone to celebrate him.

Or her. Either way, it was brilliant. And I suppose it’s nice for everyone to have a day dedicated to himself or herself, even if the concept itself is, by definition, wholly self-centered.

So, instead of focusing on the fact that my birthday, like our gigs, was essentially cancelled this year due to snow, we’ll find a way to stretch the celebration into next week. The fact that we’re celebrating is an arbitrary thing. The day on which we celebrate doesn’t have to be any less arbitrary.

So, pick a day. Let’s have some fun.

Rock (and roll) a bye baby

The other day, I walked in on Nicole exposing our child to something I really disapproved of. It’s nothing that will harm little Shelby – at least, I don’t think it will. But it was something I wish my wife would have discussed with me.

We know that Shelby has been hearing music since before she was born. While pregnant, Nicole would go to my band’s gigs, and the volume of my guitar certainly made it to the little one’s developing ears in utero.

The band plays a lot of different types of music, from hard rock to classic rock to some dance and rap tunes. The variety works for the crowd and makes it more interesting for the band members.

That variety has always been reflected in the family CD collection, too. Nicole and I each have wide-ranging taste in music. When we combined our CD’s more than a decade ago, the mix became even more diverse. Barbara Mandrel was just a few slots above Metallica. When Nicole added ABBA to the collection, my Aerosmith CD’s ceased to be first in alphabetical order. That hurt.



We each have favorites that the other hates. But more often, our tastes cross over, mainly when it comes to rock and roll. AC/DC was always part of both our collections. Aerosmith, Guns and Roses, the Rolling Stones, Van Halen, the Eagles, and Motley Crue are bands loved by both husband and wife, now mother and father.

When Nicole got pregnant, we joked about having a “rock and roll baby”. Me being a guitar player, in a band, and our musical tastes being what they are, it just made sense. Nicole even purchased two “onesies” for Shelby – with AC/DC and KISS across the front. They’re really cute.

Lately, while spending time on the computer in the afternoons, Nicole has taken to exposing Shelby to music. Later, Nicole will tell me which tunes Shelby liked (slept through) or didn’t like (cried). Shelby apparently has an affinity for Soundgarden (Outshined), Aerosmith (Rag Doll), Staind (It’s Been A While), Guns and Roses (Welcome to the Jungle), and even Price (Let’s Go Crazy). She didn’t like Queen, which is strange, because it’s not like Nicole played “Bicycle” or anything. Still, I like the idea that my daughter is getting a solid dose of rock and roll.

Friday, however, I found Nicole playing something truly offensive—at least, to my ears.

As I walked into the house after a long day at work, streaming from the computer speakers were the unmistakable harmonies of The Statler Brothers. The Kid’s Last Fight. Whatever Happened To Randolph Scott? I’ll Go To My Grave Lovin’ You. Flowers On The Wall. It was an ugly scene. Even worse, Shelby seemed perfectly content to listen.

Nicole needs to understand. Shelby’s not going to like music I disapprove of. She’s my daughter and will obviously like what I like. She’ll always dislike the things that I hate, right? Right?!?

(sigh) Okay. I realize that kids have minds of their own. And I realize my daughter is probably going to, at times, enjoy things that Mom and Dad don’t—only for the simple fact that Mom and Dad don’t like it. Maybe it’s good that Lady Gaga is doing her thing now. It’s my hope that she’ll burn out before Shelby has control of the radio dial.

Still, it’s not fair for Nicole to undermine my dislike of the Statler Brothers when I’m out of the house. I have two choices. I can either move the offending Statler Brothers CD’s to a safer place (the trash) or take some proactive steps of my own.

I have instituted KISS listening parties each Thursday night. Me and my daughter are gonna rock out to the hottest band in the land. The mighty KISS. And after a few hours of Paul’s vocal, Gene’s bass, Peter drums and Ace’s rockin’ guitar, my baby girl will scream bloody murder and cry her eyes out when she hears The Statler Brothers.

Just like her Dad.

The Dog Has Turned On Me

When I lean over to take the baby from my wife, I’m in danger. This wasn’t always the case. But recently, one of our dogs has turned on me. Yep. A normal day now is just an uneasy truce between me and our miniature poodle—with occasional moments of friendliness, but more often, moments of barred teeth and growling.

Hershey is a miniature chocolate poodle. Anyone who thinks poodles are snooty dogs with their tails held high and an air of superiority are sadly mistaken. At least, they are when it comes to Hershey. He’s the most lovable dog I’ve ever had. He’s always incredibly happy to see us. If I sit down on the couch, he’s right beside me with his head on my lap. Each night, when we go to bed, Hershey curls up beside me.
Those things still happen, but Hershey has also taken to snapping and even biting me. I should be angry. But Hershey’s motives, it seems, are pure.

The reason? Shelby. Our daughter has changed the household dynamic.

Hershey actually seemed relatively unaffected when we brought Shelby home from the hospital. That’s not to say he wasn’t interested. In the first week, he would sniff at the baby several times a day, trying to figure out what was up with the funny smelling bundle of blankets.

Then one night, Nicole and I were lying in bed while Shelby was in the pack and play bassinet. Hershey jumped from his typical spot in bed (beside me) and headed elsewhere. I heard him jump again. And Shelby made a gurgle. As it turns out, Hershey decided that there was someone else he’d rather snuggle with to sleep. It wasn’t me. When I crawled out of bed and looked into the pack and play, Hershey was curled beside the baby.

For the record, with the risk of SIDS, I did not allow that situation to continue.
But it did show that Hershey had taken a liking to the family’s newest addition. Little did I know, his affection for Shelby would mean danger—but only for me.
A few days later, Nicole needed me to take Shelby from her. She was on the couch, with Hershey curled up nearby. I leaned down to take the baby and the unexpected happened. Hershey snapped. I didn’t quite believe that he had done it, so I reached for the baby again. He tried to bite me again. I yelled at him, he cowered (because he’s a wimp) and I took the baby.

I won’t be defeated by a 12 lb. dog.

Still. It’s nice to know that in a pinch, Shelby will have someone who will at least make an effort to protect her from perceived danger.

I just wish Hershey would stop perceiving ME as danger.

It’s funny how quickly he has become attached. We left Shelby at the in-laws last week. As Nicole and I arrived home and let the dogs out of the bedroom, Hershey made us smile. He ran around the house, sniffing at the baby car seat, obviously searching for Shelby. He went to the baby swing, the little vibrating chair, back to the car seat, and made another lap of the house. A person is truly a part of the family when they’re missed.

My daughter has a buddy, a canine brother, and even a protector. It’s nice.

But if the little bastard ever successfully bites me, look out. It’s on.

15 Albums - A Facebook Reprint

This was one of those Facebook posts that was going around a while back. As you can tell, I really took to this one. There were supposed to be 15 albums listed. I have 17, because I couldn’t keep any of the following out of the list. The musical choices probably say a lot about me. I don’t know what that is, so feel free to enlighten me.

The request was for 15 albums that had "such a profound effect on you they sucked you in and took you over for days, weeks, months, years. These are the albums that you can use to identify time, places, people, and emotions. These are the albums that no matter what they were thought of musically shaped your world."

A lot of these albums, today, I consider cheesy. But I’m being honest. And don't lie, in the late 80’s and early 90’s you were listening to the same stuff. :)


1. Bon Jovi - Slippery When Wet - I remember hearing "Wanted Dead or Alive" at the pool one summer and thinking, "What was that. I need to hear that again." I was only 7 or 8 years old.

2. The Beatles - "Let It Be" was my introduction, but the "Greatest Hits 1967-1970" made the biggest impact. Staggering pieces of songwriting, bridging the gaps between classical, English pub songs, psychedelia, and rock. No style, form, or instrument was off-limits

3. Def Leppard - Hysteria - This was one of the first rock albums I owned. I remember the videos. Just very cool, very rock and roll. The lyrics didn't mean much and didn't have to. The guitar work was so produced and so slick. And the drummer only had ONE ARM! It hooked me at a young age.

4. Garth Brooks - Ropin' the Wind - It's something the whole family listened to before I was old enough to have some say in what we listened to. The songs were great, whether you like country or not. It was also the idea that country music could be fun. And loud. This was the second concert I saw live, and it was like a rock and roll show.

5. Aerosmith - Greatest Hits, Pump - I discovered these albums around the same time, via my cousin Marty. It was a great representation of the early years and the comeback years. Thirty years later, you can still rock, even harder? Okay, cool. Aerosmith is the American version of the Rolling Stones. But they're better. Better singer, better guitar players. You could argue that the Stones had better songs, but that's an opinion. My first concert was the Get A Grip tour.

6. The Black Crowes - Shake Your Moneymaker - I love Stones-influenced bands, much more than I actually like the Rolling Stones. Odd. The Black Crowes were young and vibrant and doing music that harkened back to a time about 30-35 years earlier. Chris Robinson has an incredible whisky-soaked voice and Rich Robinson's guitar was tuned to open chords - something that was alien to play, then frustrating, then very very cool.

7. Guns and Roses - Appetite for Destruction - I remember thinking, "this is music my parents might not want me to listen to. But I really want to hear it." I felt more of an impact from that album as time went on. I still learn from what Slash and Izzy did when it comes to having two guitars in one band. An amazing piece of musicianship, with anger from Axl that was raw and unfettered, unlike the over-produced posturing he gave on much of the Use Your Illlusion albums and Chinese Democracy. My band now plays "Sweet Child of Mine" every show and the audience always, always gets off on it.

8. Stevie Ray Vaughn and Double Trouble - Texas Flood - My first entre into the blues. That three chord progression, so very structured, with so much going on over top. An 8 or 12 bar blues makes me want to move. Then it makes me want to play. This led me down a totally different path, musically. In the end, I'll always be a blues based guitarist.

9. Jimi Hendrix - Are You Experienced? - I pulled this out of my Dad's record collection and realized what the next step from blues could be. I'm not a huge fan of the really stoned stuff. But the songs were and still are amazing. The ideas Jimi had remain staggering. He was simply on a different level.

10. AC/DC - Back in Black. Wow. More blues based guitar, but from a different direction. Guitar from heaven or hell. One way or the other, those riffs weren't created on this earthly plane. I eventually learned to play the entire album. Still can.

11. The Eagles - Greatest Hits Volume 1 - This is songwriting that is just staggering in it's beauty. We listened to this as a family when I was young. I rediscovered them as a teen and became a huge fan of the band, and can generally name which of the band's seven different members (over their entire career) were playing on which album. Harmonies. On my goodness, the harmonies. The songwriting. Lyrics that read like poetry and your buddy talking to you at the bar - at the same time! And of course, the Hotel California guitar solo may be the best of all time.

12. Jackson Browne - Practically an honorary member of the Eagles. He helped write Take It Easy and was part of the California sound. Again, the lyrics. Wow. Poetry and self-importance only surpassed by Bono and Springsteen. Still, it was spectacular and Jackson Brown's music always hit me closer to home than U2 or The Boss. Don't know why. It just did.

13. James Taylor - Greatest Hits Volume 1 - This is when I realized that wimp music was worth listening to. Much the same as the effect of the Eagles and Jackson Browne. But the stripped down nature of the guitar work was incredible. If you're by yourself (or with a girl) it's hard to go wrong here. The only problem--the music sounds far easier to play than it actually is. "Fire and Rain" and "Country Road" and "Something in the Way She Moves" all kill me.

14. Metallica - The Black Album - Suddenly, heavy metal had melodies and harmonies. And it suddenly made sense to me. I had liked "One" from "And Justice For All," but this entire album again turned me in a direction I hadn't considered. And I loved it. So very heavy. My favorite song off the album is still "Sad But True."

15. Pink Floyd - The Wall - I like "The Wall" a lot better than "Dark Side of the Moon." It feels deeper to me. I was also getting into it around the same time my English class was getting into the Expatriat poets--T.S. Eliot, etc. I liked them both a lot and saw a lot of crossover in subject matter. Again, so many levels. I can always go back and find something new.

16. Steely Dan - Best of - This is the first music I discoverd as a guitar player that I never tried to learn. I didn't see the point. It was perfect as it was. I would never be in a group that could pull it off, with the horns and keys and everything else that was going on. But I was still hooked through the nose on this album. These guys are the closest I'll ever get to really getting off on jazz.

17. Led Zeppelin – II - This is the first Led Zeppelin album I owned and loved. It has classic songs that are still played (or even over-played on the radio today. “Ramble On,” “Living, Lovin’ Maid,” “Heartbreaker,” and more. And possibly my favorite riff of all time is in Bring It On Home. It led to a love of the band and an appreciation of Jimmy Page’s influences. Their impact can’t be overstated.

Honorarble mentions: These are other albums I got hooked on that might not have rated all the time I put into the above.

Journey - Greatest Hits
Motley Crue - Dr. Feelgood
Janis Joplin - Greatest Hits
Soul Asylum - Grave Dancer's Union
Hootie and the Blowfish - Cracked Rearview and Fairweather Johnson
The Beach Boys - Greatest Hits (loved it as a kid)
The Refreshments - Fizzy, Fuzzy, Big and Buzzy - You know "Banditos". Trust me. Look up the lyrics.
Bare Naked Ladies (Greatest Hits)
Tesla - Greatest Hits

And of course, the trash rock like Warrant, Poison, and others taught me a lot of good guitar. Worth mentioning.

My Top Ten of 2009

It’s easy to live your daily life, without consideration of the accomplishments, struggles, and hurdles overcome in the past year. Mine are listed below, typed before the new year actually arrived, but alas, just now posted. If you're interested, my life is laid before you...

10. Welcoming a new nephew to the family
Carson Everhart was welcomed to the family this past April, my sister’s second son. Of course, that wouldn’t be the only family member added this year.

9. Another year of SugarSmaX gigging, frat gigs, etc.
The band continued to gig at more quality locations, and to do so consistently. We’ve now had year-long monthly engagements at two clubs, Fifty One in Pineville and Caveman’s in Mint Hill. Here’s to another year of gigs, more fans and more money!

8. Successfully helming the Disney event
At my day job (which will remain unnamed) I was put in charge of an event that grew beyond what I originally expected. Having started that job less than a year earlier (when planning began), it was not something that was going to be particularly easy. However, the museum staff are grizzled veterans at big events and made it all a success. I got some credit and was proud of how I performed.

7. Buying a new car
It’s not that Nicole and I bought the greatest, nicest car ever seen. It’s not even particularly notable, a decade old Nissan Altima. However, it did make me a happy man that when we needed to purchase a car, we found the money to do it, and the wherewithal to hold out until we found a quality car for a great price.

6. Recording for the SugarSmaX album
This will hopefully be my number one choice next year. Most of the rhythm guitar parts are recorded for what promises to be some very good music. With vocals scheduled to be added over the coming months, we should have a really cool musical document of these four people and possibly a product that people will be willing to spend some of the hard earned money to have.

5. Becoming closer to a number of friends
Nicole and I were able to strengthen some relationships this year, particularly with people we’ve come to know through SugarSmaX. Those relationships have become more important, especially as we Shelby’s birth approached. We really appreciated that support, which means more than we’ve said. And for that, shame on us.

4. Songwriting
I feel like I’ve been able to write songs that I will be proud of for the rest of my life. This is truly the first time I’ve been able to say that, and thanks of course goes to Mick and Karen for being in a position to want to record, and to want to hear what I have to say, lyrically and musically. While some of these songs have been built from the ground up, the one I’m most proud of is a true team effort. Mick wrote the music, I wrote the lyrics, and Karen applied incredible vocals and harmonies to bring those words to life. I can't wait for everyone to hear it.

3. Rochester trip/wedding
Nicole and I took our first week long vacation/trip since our first anniversary. At first, traveling to Rochester to celebrate my cousin’s wedding felt a little like an obligation. I’m so very thankful, however, that we had that reason forcing us to take to the highway. We had a really good time seeing and staying with Marty, while Melissa’s wedding was a spectacular occasion.

2. Preparing the house for a new addition
There was a fairly large task undertaken this year to prepare the house for a very big change. Nicole and I had to take a room that has been the “forgotten items wasteland” and make that room ready to serve the purpose for which it was always intended. Preparing the nursery impacted every other room in the house in one way or another and took an enormous amount of time. Again, I have to thank Mick, as well as Jason, for their help in getting the room painted. Helping hands are always, always appreciated.

1. Shelby
Nicole and I welcomed our daughter into this world December 15th, 2009. There’s a far longer piece of writing that deals with my feelings on the birth of Shelby, so I’ll let that piece speak for itself. Suffice it to say, there was no greater gift that we could have received. Thanks to all those who contributed in so many different ways – through baby showers and gifts and support and advice and jokes and a million other things.

Thanks for walking with...

Rochester, NY

We often take pictures during our vacations, but rarely have I seen a written review. Knowing that I’ll forget some details of this trip, I thought I’d tell the story. Why? Maybe I’m saving myself the trouble of remembering. Maybe I’m just arrogant enough to think people want to read it. But mostly, I think it’s the fact that Nicole and I took this trip with a little person growing in belly. Someday that little one will be told about taking a trip to another country while still in the safe confines of the womb and I thought it would be nice to get the story right.

Key West, Vegas, Disney World, or…Rochester?
My cousin Melissa sent her wedding invitation to us early this year. That side of the family moved to Rochester, NY when I was very young due to my uncle’s job at Xerox. My cousins pretty much grew up there and it’s where Melissa met her fiancé, Phil. It was a no-brainer as to where they would get married. The question was: Would we be there?

We probably wouldn’t have had this week away from home if we hadn’t felt a little bit obligated to attend the wedding. In the end, the trip turned out to be a blessing. But with a baby on the way and money always tight, my first thought was: Do we really have the cash? Then Melissa’s brother, my cousin Marty, offered his house in Rochester to us. We would still have to board the dogs, since Mom and Dad were heading north as well, but with no hotel bills, the cost was very reasonable for a week away from home. If only Marty lived in Key West….

We also figured we could add in a few “vacation-like” aspects to the trip. For a couple of months I tried to figure out a way to work New York City into the trip. After a lot of talking and figuring, there was just too much we wanted to do in the city in order to fit it into the schedule. Still, we figured we could at least visit Niagara Falls. Seeing my cousins would be the highlight anyway, especially Marty, as he spent several months in North Carolina last year and we had gotten very close to him.

Of course, there were some issues getting ready for the trip. The worst of it was the fact that I worked myself into a head cold the week leading up to the vacation, and, hard as I tried not to, gave the cold to Nicole before we left. She never got the sore throat or achiness. She just had to deal with an inability to breath through her nose for most of the trip. She complained very little and soldiered through the inconvenience, a credit to a good wife.

North to Rochester
While my parents, sister, brother-in-law and their two children were all traveling together, Nicole and I decided to do the trip on our own. For one thing, the other Browns were splitting the trip into two days (with a new-born, you would, too.) I wanted to avoid the hotel bill. I also figured I could do the drive in a single day without too much trouble.

Then everyone started telling me how hard it would be. It’s a long drive. Nicole and I would have to split the driving. She’s pregnant, the hormones will kick in, she’ll grab the wheel and you’ll all die. Or you’ll fall asleep, killing yourself, your wife, and your unborn child. At least I wouldn’t have to live with the guilt. Every story seemed to end with our potential demise. I admit it. I got worried…

…which is probably why the drive was so easy. It was really no problem. We made it to Rochester in about 11 ½ hours, maybe a little less. I felt good. No soreness, as long as I kept my wallet out of my back pocket. Otherwise, my back started to hurt.

We substantially beat the time on the Google directions and the drive was really beautiful. While I-81 was fairly boring (Nicole slept through Maryland) there are some areas of US 15 that rival the Blue Ridge Parkway. And it didn’t take the 70 years of construction that went into BRP to create it.

Casa De Marty
Upon arrival, we met up with my cousins, who were all there to greet us. My cousin, Marty, in particular, made it a great stay in Rochester. He not only opened his house to us, but also gave us his bed. It was upstairs in a bonus room of the house. There was a new mattress, sheets were washed and waiting upon our arrival and it was actually kind of romantic.

Reaching our destination, we met Marty’s girlfriend, Marne. She’s a spectacular girl, a teacher for special needs children, who has a special talent for putting up with my cousin and his peculiar need to pass gas more often (and more loudly) than most.  She also plays guitar and was an Irish dancer. Nicole and I definitely approved, despite the fact that her name and my cousin’s name rhyme. Say it fast: Marty, Marne, Marty, Marne, Marty, Marne, Marty, Marne. Not that easy, huh?

Marty slept on an air mattress while we slept in his bed. He paid for nearly every meal. He wouldn’t allow us to drop a dime until breakfast the morning we left. (If only the Canadians had been so nice—see below). All in all, Marty was the most gracious host. The only repayment he asked was that we bring a particular type of liquor not available by law in the Empire State. (Here’s a hint: It rhymes with “never fear”). It was a great deal – a deal we would have been fools to pass up.

Before the trip, I got a bit worried upon hearing that Marty had a new roommate. My wife and I would be staying in a house with some strange guy, right? That’s a bit weird and a little uncomfortable. We were going to be showering under the same roof. What if he tried to check out Nicole in the shower? This could have been bad.

Instead, we met Nick, a spectacular guy and one of the very nice surprises of the trip. He and Marty had worked together for a couple of years and when Marty had a vacancy at the house, Nick took the spot. He moved in a few days before we arrived. Nick is a 22 year old who comes off as someone who has lived a lot of life in a short time. It’s because he has. He has a good job, knows his food, orders wine like an aficionado and is improving at Rock Band – I think.

How We Snuck Into Canada To See Niagara Falls
While Nicole and I planned to visit Niagara Falls, we didn’t plan it very well. It was a week before the trip that we were told about new regulations regarding travel to Canada. The bottom line is, without a passport, you can’t. The stinks because the American side of the falls just doesn’t offer much. It’s far less spectacular than the Canadian side and the experience would just be diminished. But we didn’t have time to get passports. We would have to do without Canada…or so we thought. (That’s called foreshadowing).

Still, we figured it would be worth the two hour drive to one of the most spectacular natural attractions ever. I Googled the directions the night before. One set of directions had “Now Entering Canada”. Another didn’t. I chose the one that didn’t, because, without passports, we didn’t think we could get into the land of bacon.

As we drove toward the falls however, I pulled the car around a corner that put us…at the border crossing. And there was nowhere to turn around. Besides, I figure, if you hit the border crossing and quickly try to turn around, someone’s probably going to think you’re doing something you shouldn’t. Can you see the news coverage?

A pregnant woman and a father-to-be were detained by SWAT today after acting suspiciously in front of border crossing agents. After 18 hours of interrogation, it was determined they trying to smuggle four Star Trek books and several empty McDonalds wrappers into the country. Cut to a shot a shot of me and Nicole being shackled and slammed across the hood of the car.

So we cruised up to the border agent’s booth to explain the situation and ask how we could head back to the US side of the falls.

The agent, an American woman, was very cool about it. As I started into my explanation, she stopped me with, “Well, what documents do you have?” Being unprepared, Nicole and I handed over only our driver’s licenses and answered the agent’s questions, assuring her that we had no massive stashes of liquor, tobacco or firearms in the trunk.

The border agent told us she was satisfied that we were citizens and would let us through. It was a strange choice of words. She was “satisfied” that we were citizens. Is that the standard by which people leave and enter our country. Still, this was working in our favor. We were ready to go. She also told us to expect a lecture when were ready to cross back into the US.

The actual trip to Niagara Falls is better explained through pictures, so check them out in the photos section. Suffice it to say that we hit the tunnels under the falls and rode the “Maid of the Mist”, a boat, into the middle of Horseshoe Falls. I got very little out of the tunnels but the Maid was a really neat ride that won’t soon be forgotten.

The money we dropped in Canada, however, was another story. The tunnels and Maid of the Mist were about $30 each. That wasn’t so bad. When we found we were without batteries for either camera, I thought we’d take a hit. And yes, we did. We dropped another $30 for batteries. For six AA batteries! Oh, and to cross the border into Canada? That’s an $18 toll charge. All in all, it was about $150 to check out a massive international attraction. Okay, okay, okay. Maybe that wasn’t so bad, after all. But still, $30 for six AA batteries? That hurts.

The other neat thing about Niagara Falls was the international nature of it. And I’m not just talking about Canada and the US. We saw every color and numerous faiths and nationalities represented. More than I expected. Asians, it seems, are particularly drawn to the area. There were people speaking Italian in front of us boarding the “Maid of the Mist.” We heard French, German (I think) and other languages I didn’t recognize. Indians in full headdress were present. Hispanics were on the US’s opposite border. And while language may have separated many of us, there is no language barrier when you hand a camera to someone to take a picture of you and your girl. That, it seems, is an action not bound by borders.

On the way back into the US, we got the expected lecture. A US border agent (strangely) with a French accent, questioned us in detail. Why didn’t you bring your documents? Why are you in this part of the country? Whose car is this? Boxers or briefs?

We had all the right answers (apparently) and the border agent and his French accent decided to let us reenter our country of origin. We had done it! We crossed the border illegally! Twice! It was a Bonnie and Clyde moment for us both.

The Family, the Wedding and the Music
Marty continued to play a great host throughout the week, despite his car breaking down and some unexpected issues. We spent some good quality time with he and Marne. We got to see my cousin Melissa and fiancé Phil several times. We got to see Marty’s son, Skyler – a rarity due to time and distance. We even got to see Marty’s ex, Sharon, who accompanied him to North Carolina last year and became a good friend.

The wedding was held at the Esperanza Mansion in Bluff Point, NY – a beautiful place about an hour’s drive from Rochester. We drove out twice, once for the rehearsal dinner and the next night for the wedding. The wedding went off without a hitch. My six year old nephew, Mason, performed his ring-bearer duties admirably and looked great in his tux.

The reception was very cool, in a ball room with great food – especially the mushroom ravioli – and a live band.

The music was all reggae, as Phil, the groom, is a huge fan of the music. After he and Melissa had their first dance and the parents got their dances out of the way, I asked Nicole if she wanted to take the floor. The band was rocking Bob Marley’s “Don’t Worry”. As we stood to dance it occurred to Nicole we would be the only ones on the dance floor. A deer staring into oncoming headlights would have looked casual compared to Nicole in that moment. I assured her we wouldn’t be going solo for long. The floor quickly filled up. It was great music for a great night. And those lyrics, from now on, will take me back to that dance.

Rise up this morning, smiled with the rising sun
Three little birds pitch by my doorstep
Singing sweet songs of melodies pure and true
Saying, this is my message to you:

Don’t worry, ‘bout a thing. ‘Cause every little thing’s, gonna be alright

Homeward Bound
The trip home was uneventful. Since we came back the day after the wedding, we didn’t actually hit the road in Rochester until about 1:15 p.m. It was a little tougher going home, because, I think, I knew how late we would be. We arrived home at about 12:45 a.m. – again making the trip in 11 ½ hours. And that includes the bathroom breaks for a pregnant woman. Nicole slept through Maryland again, but that was okay, since it gave me an hour to listen to Alice in Chains.

The Final Tally
Let me take a moment to give a shout out to the 1998 Nissan Altima. We bought it this past year and could not have made the trip without it. The car took on more than 2000 miles in seven days and killed thousands of bugs. I bonded with that car on the trip.

Thanks go to Mom and Dad for taking care of the dogs for a few days to save us the cost of boarding them.

Thanks again, of course, to Marty for opening his home to us.

And of course, congratulations go out to Melissa and Phil who are starting their new life. They’re great together and get my vote of confidence. And they made us get out of the house and away from my job for a week. For that, I remain eternally thankful.

Thanks to you also for taking the time to read this little tale and for taking this ride with us.